Cave Troll

Of all the fabricated complaints I've heard about the Lord of the Rings film, the most ridiculous has to be that the CGI was too pervasive. Too pervasive? Pfft! I've seen sideshow contortionists that didn't have to stretch as much as the folks reaching for that complaint. That's like deriding a book of poetry because it rhymes too much. In any case, this figure definitely benefits from its electronic origins; with highly detailed information already in the computer, its sculpt is incredibly accurate. The Cave Troll lives beneath the ground, in the depths of the caves of the Moria Mines. This huge beast is led by a company of Moria Orcs in a vicious attack on the Fellowship of the Ring as they pass through the Mines. This powerful Cave Troll makes large booming noises as it walks, wielding his weapons with anger. Only the teamwork of the Fellowship of the Ring can overcome the marauding team of orcs and their menacing Cave Troll. Hunched over slightly yet still topping 10 inches, the Cave Troll is in scale with the rest of the figures. His skin is bumpy and mottled, and his thick nails are cracked and worn. He comes with two weapons that can only be described as "gimundous": a vicious hammer and a rusted trident. The remnants of a chain dangle from his spiked collar, and he's wearing an actual green tattered cloth (as opposed to sculpted rubber) loincloth. There's nothing beneath the loincloth, thankfully, despite the fact that the Troll in the movie was indeed fully equipped; the CGI artists programmed everything into their computer model. The Cave Troll is articulated at the hips and neck. He also moves at the shoulders and elbows, but those joints won't hold a pose - they're just to accommodate the action feature. There are two large levers jutting from the beast's back: press the one on his right, and his mighty cudgel rains blows on his tiny enemies; the second lever causes his left arm to stab forward with that spear. When you press either lever, the Cave Troll opens his mouth and roars. Unless you remove the batteries, like I did, and then he just seems to be yawning. When the mouth opens, you can see the nasty teeth and fangs contained within, and even a tiny tongue lolling around behind. Unfortunately, the Cave Troll's face is made of soft rubber, like the X-Men movie figures I reviewed so long ago, and is just as prone to drying and cracking. The same rubber is used on his chest and stomach to give him a somewhat fleshy feel, but that rubber hasn't begun to break down since it doesn't get stretched and moved as much. Repairing the beast's face is a simple task. I got a bottle of fabric glue from my local craft store. It's strong, dries clear, yet is designed to be flexible. I opened the mouth, put glue in the cracks, closed the mouth again, and wiped the excess across the remainder of his face. It gives him a bit of a snotty/sweaty look, which actually makes him a bit cooler. For the price, this is a really great figure - it's huge, detailed, and fun to play with. Plus, it'll smash the holy hell out of things you hate. Who wouldn't want an ugly teal desk decoration that screams at your boss before hitting him with a hammer every time he comes around to bother you? Did you like the Cave Troll? Did yours fall apart? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.

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