Valkyrie

Here's to women who can kick a little ass! Once a goddess of Asgaard, Valkyrie was chosen to carry the souls of fallen warriors to Valhalla. A master swordswoman, she now wields her enchanted blade, Dragonfang, in defense of humanity alongside Earth's mightiest heroes. When she was first introduced in 1970, Valkyrie was basically what those blindingly misogynistic idiots in #GamerGate think a feminist is: she hated all men and wanted to overthrow and enslave them. She recruited Marvel's major non-X-Men, non-Sue-Storm female heroes into a group called the "Lady Liberators" (that's a play on "women's lib," in case you missed that joke like I did until just now) and their first order of business was to throw down with the Avengers. It's ridiculous to think men in the '70s believed that's what feminism was about, and it's even more ridiculous that the drool cups of the internet still believe it 40 years later. "Valkyrie" is not just one character - there have been at least four different women, each empowered by the spirit of Brunnhilde. So either the spirit of Brunnhilde changes the appearance of whoever it possesses or, much like being an anchor on Fox News, "being a thin, blonde white girl" is a prerequisite for getting the job. Her first costume was a typical superhero swimsuit, because that's just how things were done back then. She's worn some worse ones over the years, but her current costume, which debuted in the Secret Avengers book, basically takes the original and adds pants. She's still got the metal collar, the boob-cups, the armbands and the bracelets, but loses the bare legs. Her bracelets are taller - more like Wonder Woman's - and she has two more armored discs that both provide a little protection for her stomach, and visually parallel her fellow Asgaardian. She has a free-floating brown belt, and while she still wears her hair in two braids, they're much much longer than before. One falls over the front of her shoulder, while the other reaches down past her butt. We do wish she had the tan wraps around her lower legs though, if only to break up all the black. Since Valkyrie is a goddess, she uses the same large, muscular mold as She-Hulk, which also means all the same articulation: swivel/hinge feet that mimic the range of a rocker joint, swivel shins, double-hinged knees, swivel thighs, balljointed hips, swivel wrists, double elbow hinges, swivel biceps, swivel/hinge shoulders and torso, a hinged neck, and a swivel head. Since her hair is done in those braids, her neck isn't as impaired as Jen's was. Val gets new hands. Rather than the fists that She-Hulk had, her hands are open slightly to hold accessories. Well, accessory: she only has one. You could give her others if you wanted. The one she does have is her sword, Dragonfang. Carved from the tooth of a dragon, it belonged to the Ancient One, who gifted it to his disciple Dr. Strange, and he's the one who gave it to Valkyrie. This appears to be Mike Deodato Jr's version of the sword, judging by the shape of the crossguard and the inclusion of a dragon head on the hilt. You'd think that Hasbro changing the name of its 4" line from Marvel Universe to Marvel Infinite Series would mean stores would take a new interest, and it would be easy to find the toys. You'd be wrong. Unless you want a re-released Captain America or Iron Man, the line might as well not exist; for the good stuff, you have to order online. Valkyrie, obviously, counts as part of "the good stuff," so good luck ever finding her. -- 11/10/14

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