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Cyber-Slop Pizza

The Grossery Gang
by yo go re

No more mister slice guy!

Cyber-Slop Pizza's a slimy cyber-slice who's on a mission and nothing's going to stop him! Half machine and half mozzarella, this sloppy pizza has come back from the future to collect as much grossness that he can get his filthy futuristic hands on and he's not leaving until every drop of slop is sucked up!

Look, it's Space Jump Pumpkin's commander! Yes, somehow the "Time Wars" portion of the Grosseey Gang line has ended up with two pizza characters. Are they related? Is the caveman the ancestor of Putrid Pizza, and his guy his descendant? And while we're on the subject, why would you make the past-pizza a caveman, when (as Serpentor taught us) pizza was invented by Julius Caesar? Put the pizza in a toga! We'd buy that!

Grossery Gang's idea of a futuristic pizza involves a cybernetic eyepiece with wirse extending up into the forehead, and a large, metallic, Baron Ünderbheit-style lower jaw. That's just silly! Moose Toys is an Australian company, and according to the crime against god and man that Australia calls their version of Pizza Hut, the future of pizza is "putting things that don't belong in a pizza into a pizza anyway." Which, okay, might involve electronics, but should more likely mean that he has tiny hot dogs and hamburgers poking out of his face at random spots, and is smeared with Vegemite and Dorito crumbs.

Most of the character's body has been replaced with mechanical bits - the only "organic" pieces remaining, if such can really be said to refer to something whose body is most likely made out of magical garbage water, are the left arm and leg. The arm appears to be the same sculpt Putrid Pizza sported, but the leg now terminates in a foot, rather than a wadded pile of cheese. His right leg is a grey strut with a two-toed foot, his chest is encased in purple armor with tubes running around to his back, there's a big pauldron on his right shoulder, and his right hand is a giant purple gauntlet with silver claws. He wears a grey cape with that, and the remaining bodyparts are a light yellow-green. He's got Devastator colors!

Like the other figures, he mostly moves with swivel/hinge joints - they're in the hips and the left shoulder. The right shoulder gets a balljoint, because the pauldron is so big, and this also marks a return to figures with removable heads: his neck is another balljoint, but unlike every other figure so far, his joint is on the back of the head, not the bottom; the neck sticks out horizontally from the torso, giving him a bit of a hunch and allowing the cape to drape dramatically.

This is one case where you might want to hold out for the fancy Target version of the toy rather than going for the budget Five Below one. In addition to the squishy rubber Grossery incarnation of himself, he comes with a purple blaster that fires a green missile and has a notch on top where a Grossery can attach, like he's using them to power his gun. It's a neat idea, and makes the rubber pack-ins useful even when the head can't be removed.

The whole "cross-time cosplay" conceit of this series doesn't really appeal as much as the straightforward designs of the first figures did, but Cyber-Slop Pizza's colors speak to me, and he's generally weird enough to look like his own thing. I just wish I'd been able to get the one with the extra accessories.

-- 11/08/18


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